After committing infidelity, some people go to great lengths to convince themselves, and their partners, that the behavior was justified. Typically, that process looks something like this.
Now that she has entered into an affair, she must convince herself that it’s the right decision. She does this by creating the emotional bubble, which enables her to sustain the affair. Here’s how :Was it the feeling of being alone that made me say yes to the affair? Yes, but I sensed it was deeper than that. Something to do with the2. The affair meets real emotional needs.
Okay, so Dan’s a sweet guy and a fine person. I need more than that. I need what I had yesterday— poetry and passion. I didn’t know how desperately I needed that feeling of aliveness. It may have been the most incredible day of my entire life. I made love to a man who made me feel myself.What did I do to deserve deadness and dullness? Why do I have to live with that the rest of my life?Maybe it will be better for the marriage. The problem with our marriage has been me.
While Kate was justifying the affair she was protected from the pain of guilt and shame. For Kate to end the affair the balance of pleasure and pain had to shift. The negative consequences ofand cheating and their effect on her children, her husband, and herself would by necessity have to become stronger than the pleasure of the relationship.
When that did happen, her emotional bubble burst. How and why she arrived at the place where guilt was stronger thanOne thing we can assume is that Kate’s response to the same friend who said, “You’ve got to deal with your marriage. Don’t continue living a lie,” would most likely have been, “You’re right. I can’t live like this. It’s too painful. I must stop running away and either work on the marriage or end it.
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