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3. And it’s a condiment, not a sauce. You can’t just put it on spaghetti and call it a meal.4. It goes tea bag, water, milk. If you meet anyone who thinks milk first is acceptable it is strongly encouraged that you call the police immediately.6. If you don’t open your crisps the right way up, you will get back luck forever and probably die.7. Cheesestrings must always be peeled. What’s the fucking point of Cheesestrings if you don’t make them into cheese strings?10.
11. The only acceptable liquid to put in your cereal is milk. Not water, or orange juice, or fucking COCA COLA.13. A pie should have pastry all the way round, not just some shit flimsy lid. This is not a pie, it’s meat with a haircut.14. You must always try to peel a satsuma in one go, because what else is life about if not those tiny victories?15. When eating Jaffa Cakes, you MUST eat all the cakey bit round the outside before you can touch the orangey bit.17.
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