A history of my exes—as bowls of risotto.
Of Myra in real life, my mother has this memory: At the beach she would shove her bosom in their faces. “This is what happens when you don’t wear sunscreen,” she’d say. “Men don’t like wrinkled cleavage. Block up.” My mother gave the same advice to me from the time I was a little boyish girl running around the lake in my underwear. Back then I couldn’t care less what men might like or about pleasing anyone other than myself. How unlikely that I was once such a creature.
My grandmother loved wildness too. She also annotated Audubon bird guides, penciling in her sightings. Some are smug. An arrow pointing at the rufous-sided towhee says: 1967:First appeared next to river eating dandelion flowers. He was almost iridescent?—and feed them. It does me good to remember her both at the stove and the window, binoculars at the ready.
There’s also a note about the time visiting friends Erik and Sheela refused to let me make risotto for them, instead insisting on cooking for. When a blizzard hit the next day, I still had all the unused ingredients in my house. I had only ever made the risotto for others, but I spent that day cooking it just for myself, a half bottle of leftover wine for company as the snow buzzed outside.
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