Ask the Expert: Don’t view ‘telling the children’ as a single conversation, but rather as an opening up of communication between all of you
We will be going through divorce very soon and, as yet, we have not told our two children . They know we don’t get on and sleep separately. We keep the atmosphere in the house as peaceful as possible for them.
So it is best to think individually about your son and daughter and how they might be affected and what they might need.‘My lovely, clever, kind nine-year-old daughter seems to have low self-esteem’For both parents to tell the children together and for both children to be present.Reassure them that the divorce is between mum and dad and was not their fault in any way.Discuss the new living and practical arrangements .
As a result, it is very important to maintain your own mental health and wellbeing during and after the divorce. If you are personally coping well, this is good for you and for your children. Make a ‘self-care’ plan for yourself, that might involve reaching out to friends and communities of support, prioritising activities that refresh and energise you and seeking counselling and support groups for separated parents – find what works for you.
Though as young teenagers they are pulling away from you, it is very important to keep these connections and give them opportunities to share with you how they are feeling. If they don’t raise any issues, it is a good idea to periodically check in with them about how they are doing – ‘It has been a month since the court, and I just wondering how you feeling about it all...
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