Carolyn Hax: As baby’s birth nears, husband idealizes living near family
It sounds lovely, but it’s different from my childhood — I had two working parents and only one living grandparent 300 miles away — and it’s different from our own circumstances. Our first baby is due in four months, and we’re several states away from our families.
I guess I’m looking for a reality check: Am I the crazy one? If you didn’t have a blood-related village, did you make it work?2. The “I came out just fine” standard is utter bullflooie. Some people survived plague. That doesn’t mean plague is the way to go. That attitude can make even a fully villaged childhood utterly miserable for your kid, because a parent who denies reality is going to respond to reality badly.Good parents have a working relationship with the idea of not getting exactly what they want, then making something else out of it, often better than what they’d hoped for.
5. If you think he’s receptive to this message, then go for it. Otherwise, consider using a paid referee, in marriage counseling.· As my mom said about the built-in grandma babysitting: “Oh, it wasn’t free. I paid.” There is a very big trade-off in having people in your business like that.· But the village does not have to be related to you. You can and will create your own village right where you are.
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