Advice: An unexpected pregnancy is already a challenge, and people's know-it-all reactions to the news haven't helped. “Lots of smugness about how they ‘knew I’d want to have another’ and plenty of horror about how tough the next few years will be.”
I’m just struggling so much with putting on a happy face about something that has left me in tears almost every day, when the people I thought were our closest family and friends are being such [glass bowls]. I wish I could come up with a response in the moment to get across how rude and hurtful they’re being, but I don’t have the energy.AdvertisementWhy, why, why does a pregnancy announcement turn people into jerks? Even when people mean well.
As for a response to all the conversational bricks everyone’s dropping, I will offer a start for others to workshop below. The one requirement is that it be quick: Wordy explanations sound defensive, no matter how apt their content might be.To those you trust most to handle it , share your frustration. Unburden. To everyone else, say, “Thank you.”
That’s it. For everything. If the comments are kind, then it’s appropriate. If the comments are smug/nosy/rude, then, “Thank you!” is a very polite and pointed, “Erf you.”And to the would-be duck, be kind to and patient with yourself. You will figure this out at your own pace, not everyone else’s.· CONGRATS MAMA! Of course you have mixed feelings. You deserve nothing less than kindness and support.
· Reading these continually reminds me that pregnancy isn’t always undiluted excitement and joy for the parents-to-be. Thank you for that. In an effort to be mindful of that, my response when someone announces a pregnancy is now: “Wow! That’s huge news! How are you feeling?” Then I take my cue from the response. I listen if they go into detail, or go with a change of subject if they choose that. I can only hope they take my response in the judgment-free way I mean it.
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