SavageLove: It’s important that you’re feeling aroused—not feeling dread—when your lover is on his way over.
I have a problem. I’m a 60-something cis woman with a 30-something cis man lover. The problem is my vagina is extremely tight. Also, sometimes I bleed a little bit after PIV [penis-in-vagina intercourse] and then urinating burns, but only briefly. We are only able to hook up about every other week, so frequency isn’t going to “stretch me out.” I had previously been diagnosed with vaginal atrophy, which for many women can result in pain during PIV intercourse.
“There are well-known advantages to regular vaginal dilation for people who have not had penetration in a long time,” said Dr. Brotto. “So, I would recommend that in between the times AGEIST has sex with her partner, she uses a dilator—or uses a dildo—to engage in solo vaginal penetration. She should do it at least once per week, with copious amounts of lubricant, and use it while fantasizing or enjoying erotica, to stimulate her mind’s arousal.
Dr. Brotto also suggested that you talk to your gynecologist about switching to a different vaginal estrogen delivery system—there are tablets, creams, and rings in addition to the inserts you’re using—while at the same time adjusting your dose. It’s also important that you’re feeling aroused—not feeling dread—when your lover is on his way over. Knowing you can look forward to what works for you and makes you feel good, and knowing that he doesn’t expect you to grin and bear what doesn’t , will not only be the best way to make sure you feel relaxed and aroused, but it’s also the quickest way to get PIV back on the menu. Good luck.The Principles of PleasureP.S.
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