This week, Jennifer is offering advice to a mum at her wits end as her son does nothing around the home - as well as someone planning to reconnect with an estranged parent and someone wondering whether they are more than friends with a colleague
SHOULD I TRY TO SEE MY LONG-LOST DAD? My parents divorced when I was seven. I have lived with my mother ever since and had no contact with my father in 10 years.
I found out through someone that knows him, that he remarried and moved to a nearby town. However, I also learned that the new wife died recently. I have his home address and it would be so easy to jump hop on a bus and see him, but I am worried that it might upset my mum.JENNIFER SAYS: I think that would be a mistake. I can understand why you might want to know more about your father, but there could be very good reason why he has stayed away.
Given this, I think it’s time for a grown-up conversation with your mother. Explain that you’ve got the opportunity to contact your father, and ask for her advice. She may try to change the subject again, but be firm — it’s important to know if there are any safety reasons why you shouldn’t see him. It’s probably a good idea to only give your email address at this stage. And, if in time you do decide to meet, do so in a neutral, public place, at least until you’re certain you want to continue the contact.
He seems to work odd days and I never know whether he is going to be in or not, which makes it really hard to plan food. He doesn’t help financially with the household bills, despite eating like a horse. He does nothing around the house, and leaves his filthy building stuff all over the place. I have offered to clean his room, but he won’t let me in.
Son or not, he also needs to understand that his behaviour is unacceptable. He is disrespecting you and your house. He’s been allowed to get away with this juvenile behaviour for far too long — and something needs to change.
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