Ask Roe: Should I find a way to inform her about it or just stay out of it?
I really need help on what to do. I’m a 26-year-old man and went out with a girl for more than a year when we were 23-24. Our break-up wasn’t down to cheating or anything but we argued a lot and weren’t great to each other at the end. We didn’t talk for a long time, and now if we see each other we’ll be civil and say hello but nothing more. I haven’t seen her in a year. Last week I was on a free porn site that features some amateur videos, and saw her in a video. It’s definitely her.
Maybe this woman already knows the video exists online and is happy and comfortable with that. But unfortunately it is more likely that she is a victim of image-based sexual abuse Image-based sexual abuse is a form of nonconsensual sharing or distribution of intimate or sexual images without the subject’s consent. This is a criminal offence in Ireland, regardless of the age of the subject or their relationship with the person who shared it.
It does not matter if the photo or video was taken and willingly shared to one person – if it is further shared without their consent, it is a crime.where people can report either suspected image-based sexual abuse, or report that they themselves have been a victim of it. Reports can be submitted anonymously, which can be helpful if, for example, a person discovers child sexual abuse material and wishes to report it but is concerned about being associated with it.
Explain to her that you’re sorry to bring up an uncomfortable situation, but you were concerned this was a very serious matter and would rather risk an uncomfortable conversation than her safety. Tell her that you saw an explicit video of her online and that you wanted to make sure she was aware of it, in case it was nonconsensually shared. Tell her you have not told anyone or shared the link with anyone as you wanted to respect her privacy.
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