Six relationship resolutions for the new year from couples counsellors, sex therapists and relationship researchers
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The question could be a deep and revealing one about their past or an intimate fantasy. Or it might be something totally mundane: Garcia’s wife recently asked why he dislikes mushrooms, which led to a conversation about his childhood. Afterward, they tried cooking new recipes together, and he discovered he actually likes morels.
Your goal for the new year? Reach out to your partner more often than you did in 2024, or respond to your partner’s bids for connection more positively than you did last year, she recommends. You can’t communicate your desires and needs if you haven’t spent any time understanding what they are, Brotto says. So go ahead: “Be a little bit more selfish.”“There is no ‘normal’ sex,” says Lexx Brown-James, president of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counsellors and Therapists. Brown-James likes to compare sex to pizza: you get to decide the toppings. You get to decide how many slices you want. For instance, “foreplay can be sex”, she says.
Stumped about where to start? Once a month or so, sit down with your partner and jot down three things each of you would like to do together, he recommends. Attend a sporting event? Institute a movie night? Tackle a creative project? Then swap lists. Take one item from your partner’s list and commit to helping make it happen.
When partners stop fighting for their deepest needs, “passion is the first casualty”, Real warns. “Resentment grows. Sexuality and generosity decrease.”
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