'Twenty-four years ago, I nearly lost my children. Could it happen again?'
Aug 30, 2022, 08:30 AM EDT
Occasionally a neighbor would pull into her driveway or mine. I’d feel my cheeks redden. If it was her house, the neighbor might ask if I owed my friend a favor. I’d explain that, no, I just wanted to help. “How nice!” she might say. I never volunteered that my friend and I also cleaned each other’s houses together every week, and hoped the neighbor wouldn’t drive by again next week or the next. It felt like when I was a child.
The author and her children in a friend’s boat in 1993."It was thrilling but also scary to wrangle three children while speeding across the Lake of the Ozarks in mid-Missouri," she writes.As I scribbled and stuffed and cheated, family life continued. Chicken and rice for dinner, hockey games and dance performances on the weekends. But as I lived my minivan-mom life with my secret life hidden like crumbs beneath the seats, my husband must have been paying more attention than I thought.
In 1998, there was no thought of same-sex marriage or even civil unions, or even a way for two women or two men to have sex without breaking the law in more than a dozen states including mine. Our illegal sex was called sodomy. People called a person like me “dyke” or “carpet muncher.”The author and her wife, Cindy Betz, on their wedding day in Vancouver in 2006, nine years before same-sex marriage was legal in the United States.Just five years after I learned I could lose my children, the U.S.
As our court date drew closer, I dreamed I was in a murky lake. All around me, kittens, thrashing about, trying to keep their heads above water. When I tried to grab their paws to lift them up, the paws broke off. As the kittens went under, their frightened eyes bored holes into my heart.Just before our November court date, my attorney faxed me a proposal from my husband’s attorney that we share custody of our children. No court, no judge, all I had to do was sign. I was astounded.
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