“The ADHD brain hates monotony, is deadened by repetition, seeks stimulation, and rebels against structure. So how does someone with ADHD and autism find a place in this world?”
I had an overactive and rich imagination as a child. I was the celebrity savior of a distant planet. I was friends with an invisible boy who lived in a hollowed-out tree. I had a magic flying swing that could take me anywhere I wanted to go. I yearned to be an actress, writer, singer,director when I “grew up.” I wanted to lead a supremely excellent life, and I was eager to get started.
As an adult, however, I’ve mostly fantasized about living a “normal” life — one where my kids could invite their friends over to ahouse. Where I’d arrive to work on time, and to an organized office. A life where I’d eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, and practice mindfulness . In this life, I’d also have regular date nights with my husband.
Until recently, I had given up on my childhood dreams of leading a supremely excellent life. How could I, after all, if I wasMy fantasies around achieving normal seemed attainable after I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 40. Here was the buffer all along, I thought, andwould finally set me on the right path. I would be able to focus on my work and approach each task head on, without a nauseating sense of dread.
Not long after my diagnosis, I shared in an ADHD support group that the medication I was taking might not be right for me. Why? Because I was still having trouble focusing at work , I didn’t care if the dishes were clean, and I was less interested than ever in creating an efficient organizing system for myself.To my surprise, I learned that these signs were not indicative of a problem with my treatment, but of what happens when you suppress your true self in favor of following expectations.
But it would be another 10 years until I received a missing piece of information necessary to fully understand my neurology: Not only do I have ADHD, but I am alsoMy autism diagnosis helped me make sense of so much in my life, from my childhood fantasies of belonging on another planet to difficulties grasping social norms. I realized why I spent so much energy trying to manage my reactions to experiences that most people consider normal but are overwhelming to me.
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