Counsellor Fiona helps readers with their problems.
For just over three years, I have had seemingly endless bouts of chemo, radiotherapy and other drugs to battle my cancer. It’s been unbelievably tough at times, and I don’t think I could have done it without the support of my wife and two wonderful children. Last week, my consultant finally told me there is nothing more that can be done, basically a terminal diagnosis.
It’s my birthday soon and I have no idea how I am supposed to cope with this. We had planned a busy day out with the boys, followed by a meal with friends. But how do I have a ‘happy’ day with this hanging over me? The way I feel now, there is no way I can stay cheerful for that long. More importantly, how do we tell our sons that this will be my last birthday with them?
I can understand why you might want to keep your diagnosis a secret from your children, in the hope that this protects them from the pain for as long as possible. However, at some point they will need to know, and in my experience, it’s usually better to be honest about these things. This is likely to be a difficult conversation, at a particularly scary time for you, so please consider contacting Marie Curie for support and information.
It’s hard and I am exhausted all the time. When he’s home, my partner does his share, but he works long hours and is just as exhausted as me. There’s nobody else to help and I have no idea how we are going to cope. What can I do?Fiona says: Reach out for local support All volunteers are trained and checked against criminal records before allowed to support families. It’s usual for a local organiser to interview you and assess your needs before you’re matched to a volunteer. These are completely confidential. The service doesn’t reach all areas of the UK sadly but, if they can’t help, they may be able to suggest alternatives.I was abused for years by my stepfather.
There are a number of victim support organisations, but I suggest your first point of contact should be the National Association of People Abused in Childhood . The charity does not offer an ongoing counselling service, but it gives you the chance to talk about what’s bothering you so that they can steer you towards appropriate sources of help.
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