Dear Abby advises a bride-to-be about dealing with her family and weighs in on how old is too old to give Christmas gifts.
I became engaged to a wonderful man five months ago. We have set a wedding date for next year. I’m ecstatic — thrilled to be planning such an important milestone in my life. I’m the youngest of five girls. Four of us are extremely close. Three of my sisters have graciously offered to help with the wedding planning and preparation. I have included them in my bridal party — matron of honor, two bridesmaids, and two of my teenage nieces as junior bridesmaids.
There’s one big issue: My parents and two of my sisters insist that I include my oldest sister, “Iris,” in my bridal party even though she has a mental illness . She is medicated, but still speaks to her “voices.” I love her, but I don’t find it appropriate to include her in my wedding. My matron of honor is supportive and agrees it would be unwise. However, my remaining family is guilt-tripping me because Iris missed out on two of my sisters’ weddings due to being in a psychiatric facility.
More important, respectfully discuss your feelings and concerns with Iris. Instead of being in the bridal party, she might be happy with a less prominent role while still being part of the celebration. You may not realize how hurt she would be if she’s excluded from this family milestone. Thankfully, you are healthy and stepping into a bright future. It would be wonderful if Iris could share in this joyful occasion. However, include her only if your parents and siblings are willing to guarantee that should her presence become a distraction or disruptive, they will quietly and immediately remove her.While having dinner with a group of friends, the subject came up about giving Christmas gifts to grandchildren, nieces, nephews and godchildren after a certain age.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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