I do not want to ask him to leave because he has nowhere to go, and I feel responsible for him and I still love him.
DEAR FEELING STUCK: It sure sounds like you’re being taken advantage of, so you’re definitely not wrong to feel that way. At the risk of sounding cheesy: “If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime.” In other words, rather than simply giving him money, sit down with him and help him assess his finances, create a strategy to get out of debt, boost his credit, etc.
It’s possible that he was never taught how to be financially literate, and he is embarrassed. Or maybe he’s lazy and wants to get money out of you. Neither is acceptable in a partnership, but having these conversations with him will help you get to the bottom of it and find a solution.DEAR ANNIE: I enjoy your column and find most of your suggestions very thoughtful and helpful.
It might be received much better if the message came from the mother-in-law’s son rather than her daughter in-law. If he were to say, “Excuse me, Mom, but I do want to hear from ‘Mary,’” each time she talks over “Mary,” she may catch on. If not, he could be the one to say, “Hey, Mom. I’ve noticed that sometimes you have a tendency to talk over ‘Mary.’ I’m sure you don’t intend to and would want me to let you know.
DEAR GETTING A WORD IN: I couldn’t agree with you more; thank you for this suggestion. Even if this mother- and daughter-in-law are close, you’re right that this sort of a comment may land better coming from her son instead of from his bride. “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and ebook. Visit
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