'As I grew into adulthood, I got better at “managing” my depression, but I still wasn’t ready to ask for help. This is like trying to fix a car if you’re not a mechanic. You’ll have better results working with a pro,' writes Theonlyhonest
Most of us have been told things such as “Black people don’t go to therapy” or “depression is for white people.” Neither of these things is remotely true—depression doesn’t discriminate. In fact, according to Mental Health America, approximately 7 million Black Americans are suffering from depression at this very moment.From an early age I knew there was something different about me.
So I did what most Black males do when grappling with mental health challenges, I stopped talking about it. I stopped leaving the classroom. I kept it all inside. Some days it worked and some days it didn’t, but over time the frequency of my attacks appeared to dissipate. I wondered whether I had actually managed to will my suffering away, by merely refusing to acknowledge it.I got better at ‘managing’ my depression, but I still wasn’t ready to ask for help.
Once the worst had passed, I felt weak and embarrassed. I tried to numb the pain. No one could know about this. And I promised myself I wouldn’t allow myself to sink so deeply into the emotional abyss again. I had to find a new way to cope. When I told a close family member that I was in therapy, he was incredulous: “What do you need to go to a therapist for?” The more I tried to explain it, the less he appeared to understand. I didn’t fare much better when I broached the topic with a second family member. He simply replied: “Just pray on it. You don’t need that stuff.”
After the funeral, I rarely left my apartment, almost never saw friends or family, and wasn’t likely to answer the phone. This went on for months. Unpacking my abandonment issues and feelings of inadequacy was no walk in the park, but it was a down payment for future happiness. If it didn’t provide “the answers,” it at least helped me understand what were “the questions”—and to identify and isolate the lies I was being told by the villain of depression.
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