Dr David Coleman, clinical psychologist, explains how to spot anxiety in children when they can't tell you, as well as outlining some of the causes of anxiety
Anxiety is a growing problem among young children and teens alike - but how do parents spot the signs in their own children? Dr David Coleman is a clinical psychologist, specialising in working with children, teenagers and their families with over 20 years experienceRead more: One simple daily activity could extend life expectancy by 11 years, study finds"Usually it is avoidance with younger kids — so they can’t go to school or they won’t go to rugby training because their tummy hurts.
These are small indicators that something is going on. But even with young kids, we can have the conversation about being nervous and doing something new or going back to a sport after the summer break. "You can address it and it helps children learn the language so they can label their own feelings. Then you may suggest how they might deal with it or discuss coping skills. Explain that it is natural to be nervous when going into new scenarios but boost them by telling them how great they are at making friends, build their confidence, it needs to make sense to them also. "Encourage them to feel the fear and do the thing anyway — they have to be able to regulate their anxiety and get on with it. If they rank their anxiety out of 10, it should be between four and seven. For example, if it is six then they are anxious but should be able to cope but if it is eight or nine they will probably need a bit of help to calm themselves. It is a process and anxiety is like any other feeling so you can still get on with things." When asked if anxiety is passed from parent to child, Dr Coleman says he is not certain there is a genetic component to it, but it is likely that parents’ attitudes and behaviours will influence kids. "As parents, we are role models and with anxiety, if you have a parent who gets very anxious about things and displays this anxiety to their kids then it will influence them. "I had it myself when my own son started soccer, I kept saying to my wife, 'does he really want to start soccer?' and my wife was saying, 'yes'. It was my own anxiety as I had to bring him down and sign him up and meet all these other parents and be involved and I hate that. "Whereas he was happy to go but if I had been left to my own devices I would have given him the message, 'I don’t know about soccer'. Of course he went and he loved it. If we freak out and panic, they will notice that. We all carry around our own insecurities and it is very easy to pass those on to your kids." Phones, tablets and social media have also created a new form of anxiety. "Some of the experiences they have online may be more challenging than in the real world. If they are facing an anxiety-provoking situation online, it tends to follow them around in a way it didn’t when we didn’t have a phone. "Once we were out of the environment it would drop as the issue wasn’t following us. Then you have all the extras that social media brings and can add to anxiety — the likes and follows and people not replying to messages. But it has opened up a conversation and brought awareness and this is why more kids are talking about it, so that is a positive thing."
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