How can someone balance forgiveness and unresolved anger? Here's what one therapist found.
Some people may experience pressure from others to forgive the perpetrator of an offense.Source: Anthony Tran/Unsplash
Nora came into the session feeling angry and wanting to talk about a conversation she had with her mother. During Sunday brunch, Nora’s mother asked her “if she would consider forgiving Leo.” She said, “You are 26 years old now and Leo is 32. The abuse happened a long time ago and although what Leo had done was wrong, he was young and was going through a difficult period in his life.” Nora’s mother continued"'IT' happened years ago, and you and your cousin Leo are now adults.
Nora said she sat at the table frozen. She felt her body constrict as she tried to contain the surge of emotions that arose when her mother suggested that she forgive her cousin. Nora believed that her mother wanted her to disregard the pain he caused and act like it never happened — to forgive and forget. Nora exclaimed, “They want me to move on so we can have a veneer of a ‘happy extended family’ spending time together and enjoying each other’s company.
Nora brought in an article on forgiveness that her mother gave her to read. I noticed that the article was carefully highlighted to feature the benefits associated with forgiveness including decreasingNora discussed her outrage and the sense of betrayal she experienced towards her mother’s suggestion of reconciliation. “Why should I forgive Leo when he shows no remorse for his actions? He has never even apologized or acknowledged the pain he caused me.
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