DearPrudie: I’m left feeling deflated and manipulated.
You’re not the asshole. You could actually stand to be a little bit more of an asshole to get your point across. Do you hear the difference between: “Roses aren’t my favorite, and I don’t love getting flowers at work but I appreciate the gesture, thank you so much!” and “Thank you. But roses really aren’t my favorite, and I’ve told you before that I don’t like receiving flowers at work because of all the unwanted attention.
Just let that negative note at the end linger. I know it’s uncomfortable. I know he might get upset. Resist the urge to follow up and say how lovely the gesture was. He’s counting on you doing that so he can continue to feel good about doing things you don’t like. It sounds like his refusal to respect your wishes is a pattern. I would suggest a broader conversation about that, and not on a day when flowers have been delivered.
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