DearPrudie: We’ve known each other for a decade, so I would think she’d understand by now that this is just, you know, how I look. Help!
My husband and I had been planning on becoming parents for years. We wanted to use the same donated eggs, each of our sperm, and a surrogate to have our children. A biological connection was important to my husband because he lost most of his family hideously young in a fire. We got far enough along that we had his batch of embryos ready and a surrogate lined up, and then he died in a car crash.My entire world came crashing down.
What is holding me back is the disapproval of my family. They have always been loving and supportive to me, so I was taken aback by their venom. They say a child deserves two parents and I am “selfish” to bring one into the world alone. A baby isn’t a “Band-Aid” for my grief. I can’t bring my husband back by having his baby and not my own.My sister bluntly told me I have no idea what I am in for and she has enough on her plate, so I should not expect she will be babysitting.
So we aren’t speaking. Our mother and other siblings are in a tizzy. I still regularly see my sister’s kids but they have picked up on the family tension. I want to continue with having a child but it is like stones in the shoes. My family has been supportive of me my entire life: being gay, choosing a risky profession, and moving across country to be with my then boyfriend of six months. It scares me to think of them not being there if I have my child.
That doesn’t mean it will be easy or that you should do it without a lot of serious planning. Your family is right to be worried that this is a lot for one person to take on. But you said you’re pretty wealthy, which is great. Having enough resources to pay for help will make this a lot easier. Talk some more to those single mom friends about what they needed in terms of nannies and other child care and how much it cost. Make a budget for that.
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