We have to teach young men that sex is not a thing you win. It is not the result of how well you negotiate or argue your case
He told her it wasn’t about sex. He promised only a chaste peck at the door ... A gallant gent on his way to the kebab shop
On the periphery of my table was a man and a woman. I was doing what any person would do while waiting for their friends to come back from the bathroom – eavesdropping on their conversation. On it went. He told her it wasn’t about sex. He would just come over “for a cuddle”. She objected. Sensing he was losing the battle for hearts and minds, he walked back his position. Okay he wouldn’t come in. But could they share a taxi and he’ll just drop her off. Promising a chaste peck at the door before he whisked off into the night. A gallant gentleman on his way to the kebab shop.
She had said no multiple times by this point. That wasn’t the problem. It was his refusal to hear it. I remembered my experiences as a younger woman when men took my “no” as the start of their negotiation and not as the stopping point. They thought I didn’t really mean it, when I didn’t want to come with them, when I didn’t want to give my number or when they were trying to kiss me. They had the mistaken and dangerous belief that some women mean “yes” when they say “no”.
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