History’s Greatest ‘Dance Dance Revolution’ Player Tragically Born Decades Too Late

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History’s Greatest ‘Dance Dance Revolution’ Player Tragically Born Decades Too Late
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DAYTON, OH—Watching him nail routine after routine on a dingy game mat he had found in a box of his parents’ old things, sources confirmed Wednesday that history’s greatest Dance Dance Revolution player, 10-year-old Noah Wilson, had tragically been born decades too late. “It’s truly a shame to witness such an…

DAYTON, OH—Watching him nail routine after routine on a dingy game mat he had found in a box of his parents’ old things, sources confirmed Wednesday that history’s greatestplayer, 10-year-old Noah Wilson, had tragically been born decades too late.

“It’s truly a shame to witness such an unrivaled talent, knowing that the craze peaked long ago and his abilities are of no use to anyone,” said formerchampion Soda Yasushi, 38, who fondly recalled a time when the game had been ubiquitous in arcades, bowling alleys, and bars around the world, and wistfully observed that it all seemed to have been cast aside as quickly as it appeared. “My God, look at those up-down jump combos. I’ve never seen anything like it.

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