Sometimes, a slight interruption of sorts can go a long way
. “You can say, ‘Hey, can you hang on a sec? I want to jump in here,’ or say their name, followed by, ‘I’d also like to comment about what you [or someone else] said. Is that okay?’ and then wait a moment and start talking,” she says. “This way, you are getting your message across without being aggressive.”
In that vein, it’s also important to consider your tone when you speak up. Generally, the softer it is, the better, in this case, says Roberts. “We initially react to how someone talks to us more quickly than we do to the content of what they’re saying.”If you really can’t bring yourself to start talking before the overtalker in question takes a pause or a breath, you could try leaning your body toward them and nodding to show your engagement and desire to contribute.
And if you can’t physically leave the location you’re in—perhaps because you’re speaking to the overtalker IRL while on a plane or at work—you can offer more of an internal excuse . For example, on a plane, you might say, “It’s so nice to talk to you, but I need to close my eyes,” or insert another excuse here , says Roberts.
Say you’ve encountered an overtalker at a party, but you aren’t ready to leave the party yet. Roberts suggests saying something like, “I appreciate what you’re saying. If you’ll just excuse me while I go grab some water,” or, “Thanks so much for chatting. I need to step outside, so I’ll catch you later,” or, “I’m sorry to cut you off, but I want to be sure to say hello to [insert other person’s name here].” Then make your escape.
At the same time, she suggests turning your attention to your feet on the floor by lightly tapping them or wiggling your toes. “This exercise will take you out of your ‘in your head’ thinking mode and remind you that you are more than your thoughts above the neck,” she says, “which can have a grounding and calming effect.”