When someone shatters our trust, anger and rage are understandable first responses, but they're not necessarily the ones that will lead to healing. These are.
It’s natural to blame and judge someone for having broken our hearts. Blaming others is a protective way to avoid blaming ourselves when a relationship goes awry. It can be a way to avoid responsibility for our part of a troubled relationship. But blaming ourselves or others doesn’t help us heal. It just keeps us spinning our wheels rather than healing.
We might have minimized our partner’s feelings when they tried to tell us they weren’t feeling heard or appreciated. Perhaps it was too upsetting to hear that we hurt someone we love, so we tuned out their verbal or non-verbal expressions of discontent. It doesn't serve us to stay stuck in blaming and accusing. If we want to repair broken trust, it serves us to take responsibility for any part we may have played that led to a betrayal, however small it might be. Even if we just want to move on with our lives rather than try to repair the relationship, it might still be instructive to explore if there was some way we contributed to a climate that led to betrayal.and convey our viewpoint that our partner or friend did something destructive.
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