‘I couldn’t help but feel so angry with the world – our little babies were gone’

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‘I couldn’t help but feel so angry with the world – our little babies were gone’
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Niamh Holleran-McGing describes the harrowing outcome of a first round of IVF

Niamh Holleran-McGing in conversation with Mary Kennedy of RTÉ at the launch of her book, The Journey To You – A Love Story Through Infertility, at the Wild Atlantic Words Literary Festival in Castlebar, Co Mayo. Photograph: John MeeIn her book, The Journey To You – A Love Story Through Infertility, Niamh Holleran-McGing, from Clonbur, Co Galway, charts her and her husband Tommy’s journey through infertility and four rounds of IVF.

We were in the town a while when I got a phone call from the assistant in the jewellers – she was putting the watch aside for collection the following week. I was delighted and emotional, I guess that’s why I didn’t think anything of the discomfort and nauseous feeling I was having all morning. As we walked around town, I began to feel a little worse. With that, I started to get nervous too, something didn’t feel right.

My sister was feeling bad as the drive home was quiet with me upset and frightened and nothing that she said or could say would have made me feel any better. I felt rotten. When he arrived home, he was pale and, I suppose, frightened for me and mad that he wasn’t here. We went home then, and I went to bed, almost afraid to close my eyes… I felt we were losing what we only just managed to get. Life can be so cruel.The following morning, I got up and was relieved to find that I had not spotted during the night. I felt more content but still afraid of what was going on.

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