When lockdown kicked in, single-mother Louise saw her dinner-party drug habit spiral
As told to: Emma ElmsAfter a day of school runs and washing up, Louise*, 38, an influencer from London, was looking for some excitement once the kids were in bed. But what started as a bit of fun, soon spiralled into a drug addiction costing her £80,000 and nearly ruined her family’s life.
When Josh was six months old, one Friday evening after putting him to bed, I took a line of cocaine and felt an amazing rush. It wasn’t the first time I’d taken it: I’d had my first line of cocaine with a boyfriend at 21, then in my 30s I occasionally took it on nights out, which is why I had some already in the house.
The fact other mums were doing it helped me justify my cocaine use. I mix in an affluent London scene, and in the same way you might be handed a glass of champagne at someone’s house, you’re handed a bag of coke. That normalised it in my mind and made it more acceptable. On social media, there are so many jokes about mums and Gin O’Clock – this was similar. Around half my friends were taking it, but usually just a line or two and no one else seemed to be doing it home alone like me.
Over the next few years, I went from an occasional user to an addictive drug abuser. I’d find myself withdrawing £100 from the cash point on the way home from the school run. I had several different dealers I’d buy it from. My husband could see I was in a bad way but had no idea it was down to cocaine. Instead, he assumed I was having a breakdown. Eventually four years ago, when our sons were eight and five, we split up.
By then, I was spending £100-£200 a day on cocaine. I never got into debt, because I started with more money than most, having been a successful influencer, earning over £100,000 at the peak of my career. I’d gone back to work when Josh started nursery, but over time, as I became more erratic, cancelling jobs, I lost all my work and my business partner.
I Googled ‘help me give up cocaine’ and found an on-line treatment centre Help Me Stop - because I couldn’t have left my sons to go away to rehab. I contacted them at 3am and they accepted me onto a six-week course which included 2.5 hours a day of group sessions via Zoom and one-to-one therapy sessions. Getting clean was a phenomenal process. Having been trapped in this dark world of addiction, after a couple of weeks, I realised I could smile again, sleep again, laugh with my children.
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