Ask Roe: I know he wasn’t great, but I still miss him and occasionally stalk his social media account
I am a heterosexual woman in college, I’m 20 years old and over six months ago I broke up with my situationship. For some reason I haven’t got over him still and I get triggered whenever I hear someone say his name or when I’m out and see someone who resembles him. When we ended things he just said “okay”, and then left after a couple of minutes while I was getting ready to leave without saying goodbye. He treated me not so nicely and would belittle me.
A situationship, on the other hand, might involve some romantic feelings from one or both people, but no clarity, no consistency, usually avoidant communication and very often a mismatch in expectations. One person may want to get to know the other person on a deeper level or gauge compatibility for a relationship while the other just wants sex. One person might want more exclusivity or time together while the other only wants to see each other sporadically.
You’re looking for that mystical thing called “closure” – but what you have to learn is that closure isn’t something someone else can give you. It’s a gift you give yourself. By waiting for closure, you’re giving this situationship too much space in your head and too much power over you. You need to take concrete steps to start taking back control.
Next, you need to start reframing this situationship in your mind, consciously and deliberately. Instead of letting your mind go around in circles of confusion and questions, start giving yourself answers. Write down a list of everything you have learned about yourself and about relationships.
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