'Telling the truth about family secrets and the Mormon Church was the only way of finding my lost self and beginning the journey of recovery from trauma.'
The author plays the piano at her grandma's house one Sunday.
I married in the LDS Temple, as was expected, when I was 20, and made promises to God that I had no business making because I was too young and immature and uneducated to understand the consequences. I stayed active in the church until my divorce six years later in 1985. But in my years of indoctrination, I had grown to believe that following the teachings of the church was the only way to lead a meaningful and fulfilling life and obtain celestial glory. The conflict between my family and the church and my own beliefs and values led to a period of depression and anxiety. I felt like I was living two separate lives — one that I presented to my family and the church, and one that I kept hidden for fear of judgment and punishment.
I felt lost and alone in my large family and went through an identity crisis. Not only was I not a Cannon, but I had been married twice — so, like most conservative Mormons, I had taken both of my husbands’ last names, further removing me from my identity. I didn’t understand it at the time, but the impact of my identity crisis contributed to my second divorce, continuing the chaos I had come to know all too well.
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