Lala replies to a reader who has found out her romantic partner is a rapist, and is undecided about whether to continue their relationship
In Lalalaletmeexplain's hit column, readers ask for her expert advice on their own love, sex and relationship problems.
Six weeks into seeing each other he disclosed that he’s currently on the sex offenders register after serving seven years for rape and that he was released from prison five years ago. He says that he has no recollection of the rape, it happened on a night out and he wasn’t arrested until three years later. This is the only information he has given me.
We see each other nearly every day and if I didn’t know about his history there would be zero red flags. He’s the first man I’ve met in a long time who I connect with. We aren’t in a relationship, but we are exclusive.He has told me that he will answer any questions, but he hasn’t told me much as he says he can’t remember. I've googled him, but nothing comes up. Do I need to run?I can already hear everyone in the comments screaming 'RUN', and I think their instinct would be right.
If he is still a registered sex offender and remains on licence, then he should be monitored by police and probation. He will have to inform them of any new relationships he has, and they may wish to meet you. They may also decide to make a referral to social services so that they can assess whether there are any safeguarding concerns in relation to your children.
I also think that the fact that he has given you such minimal information is a bad sign. He may well not be able to remember the incident itself but he should certainly remember what was said at the trial. He is aware of exactly what he’s been accused of, and I think he might be hiding that from you intentionally.
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