It was the worst thing I could have done and almost destroyed our relationship permanently.
I was born in Portugal in a little town named Ovar where I was raised until I was nine. I grew up very poor and lived in awith my parents, younger sisters, and grandma. In 1967, my maternal grandfather made arrangements for us to come to the United States to have a better life. We came at the end of 1969, went to school, and by the age of twelve, I was helping out my parents by washing dishes in a restaurant.
At that point in time, my husband and I did not want to know the cause of our infertility. In my heart of hearts, I’ve always thought that if I couldn’t have biological children, the one thing I wanted to do was adopt and give a child the love, the home, and everything else they needed. We told the agency and lawyer that we were seeking an infant that would resemble us and, lo and behold, six months later we got a phone call letting us know about a child.
Throughout the process, although the agency told us that paperwork and other legalities would take some time, there was no formal training or paperwork about. After the adoption, our adoption attorney mentioned yearly barbeques to meet up with other adoptive families that were also fundraisers to help other children in the orphanages. After we arrived home from Colombia two years later with Melissa’s brother, there still were no check-ins from the agency other than congratulations.
After a year of conversation and figuring out how to be mother and daughter again, Melissa and I began to really talk. We had many conversations where she taught me that speaking out loud about adoption was okay and, among other things, it made me love her more.
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