Journalist Claire Rutter reflects on how isolating the festive period can be when missing a loved one and the importance of creating new traditions.
In 2018, journalist Claire Rutter faced her first Christmas without her mother. Here, she reflects on how isolating the festive period can be when missing a loved one and the importance of creating new traditions.
My mum was Mrs Christmas. Luther Vandross’s Christmas album would blast from her stereo on repeat, wine would be free-flowing and our house was sprinkled with elves, confetti, lights and candles. The year that she died, it was as if all the colour had been drained from everything and my small family was broken.
“I was quite sad, angry and confused as to why it happened to me,” she says. Christmas is a constant reminder of family, but for Annabel, it was also a reminder that someone was missing. “I resented other people just carrying on while my mum and dad were gone and I couldn’t do the same. I expect I worried more than I needed to. We carry on some of those traditions we love and that helps to make them still feel with you. Over time, you realise that you start a new normal and it’s different, but that it’s OK.”
“Doing something different really helped because I wasn’t comparing. There wasn’t someone missing in a sense, because I was in a different location and different place. I definitely felt sad but what it did teach me is that you can do things differently,” she explains.
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