Ask Roe: 'Time and time again when I seek his whereabouts he is chatting with this woman... How can I confront him without appearing like a nagging wife?'
‘I’ve reconnected with an old friend and can’t help but feel a spark of attraction I haven’t felt towards men before’One: I think that we can be naive and unrealistic about the nature of attraction, to a toxic degree. We perpetuate myths that if you love your partner, you will never find anyone else attractive – and that’s simply not true. The world is filled with attractive, charming, sparkling people and noticing that isn’t inherently cruel or disloyal or disrespectful – it’s just human.
Two: absolutely none of that matters here if these are not the terms of your particular relationship and it sounds like they aren’t. If this matter is making you feel like your husband is disrespecting you, walking all over your marriage or “has almost broken” your relationship, then it’s clear that something needs to shift. Frankly, if you truly are at this breaking point, it seems high time to get into some couple’s counselling.
The latter feels the most telling – more telling than even the possibility that he is attracted to this woman or flirting with her. In a healthy relationship where you are both committed to making one another feel safe and secure, saying “Your interactions with this person make me feel insecure” would be okay. It would be the start of a conversation about vulnerability, about respect, about boundaries, about comfort levels and about how you are both feeling in your relationship overall.
I’m curious about where this fear of yours comes from.
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