“I’d just had plastic surgery so that I could regain my self confidence. Instead, I lost my ability to feel anything.”
"I’d just had plastic surgery so that I could regain my self confidence. Instead, I lost my ability to feel anything."Last week I made eye contact with my dog and experienced a jolt of oxytocin. In that moment I exhaled, realizing I was still capable of feeling. For the four weeks prior, I had been in a state of acute anhedonia. I’d just had plastic surgery so that I could regain my self-confidence. Instead, I lost my ability to feel anything.
I spent weeks preparing. I went to extra therapy sessions. I had my house professionally cleaned. I spent a week making and freezing soups for when I could only eat soft things. My finances were in order. My calendar was clear. My sheets were clean. My laundry was done. I hired a friend to drive me, care for me and tend to my pets in the first few days. I even knew what show I planned to binge in its entirety .
Thankfully, I live in Los Angeles, so I have friends who have also had cosmetic procedures. I texted two of them, who confirmed that they also were miserable after their surgeries. Why hadn’t they told me? They thought it was just a “them” thing too. A friend pointed out that no matter how much you may trust your surgeon, the fact of surgery is traumatic. When you are under, anything can happen to you and you’re not exactly sure what did. It can activate underlying PTSD. Apparently post-surgery blues can happen with any type of procedure, but with cosmetic, there are even more factors that can break our brains.
All these thoughts and feelings contributed to the physical reality of my chemically depleted and off-balance brain.I thought,That was the shift I needed to make. To realize that this was not a permanent mental state, and to begin to force myself to do the things to set myself up for my life to be on track for when I feel good again.
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