He said to keep those feelings inside, tell no one, not to ruin his reputation, and that it wasn’t that big of a deal in the same breath he begged me not to leave.
. Neither form of treatment to anyone is okay. Let’s be clear. Both are wrong and both require hard inner work. It’s when it is a pattern for power and a “dismantling of equality” where it becomes a much harder road to walk.
Another thing I learned is that abuse is a choice. It’s not the alcohol’s fault. It’s not the military’s fault. It’s not an absent parent’s fault. It is learned and can manifest into many forms. Substance abuse and hard life experiences can exacerbate it, but they are not the cause. And neither is the victim. The only way to overcome abusiveness is to deal with the choice of abuse.response took hold when any situation between us escalated even a little, especially when alcohol was involved.
Look, I’ve been in arguments, fights, disagreements, and all out yelling matches with people, replete with thrown phones and broken glass. People I love. And the feelings that came up during and after were always a hot mix of anger, annoyance, guilt, or anxiety. But never fear. Never the cold loneliness of terror. The safetySo why am I here? What a piece of shit my confidence has become. The juxtaposition of guilt and gratitude jacked with my head daily.
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