Dublin native Jody was subjected to physical and emotional abuse at the hands of her partner while she was in her teens - now she's helping young women spot relationship red flags
Here at RSVP , we champion all kinds of women – entrepreneurs, broadcasters, celebrities, musicians, stay-at-home mums, politicians and more. But this International Women’s Day, we have decided to shine a light on brave survivors of domestic violence.
While most women never expect to experience domestic abuse, sadly, this form of violence is still very common. A total of 35% of women in Ireland who have been in a relationship have been abused by a current or former partner – a shocking statistic. Thankfully, there is support available. Women’s Aid has been helping women and children experiencing domestic abuse since 1974. Jody Duggan is using her experience as a survivor of domestic violence to try and help other young women and girls avoid the same fate. The Dublin native suffered a two year campaign of terror at the hands of her former partner Jake Boles, who subjected her to a series of violent assaults and coercive control. Boles was given a two-year suspended sentence after being convicted of coercive control, criminal damage and assault at Trim Circuit Court in January 2023 but that decision was overturned by the Court of Appeal in July of that year, when he was sentenced to one year in prison. Brave Jody waived her right to anonymity after the ruling and spoke publicly about the leniency of the sentencing. Now, she is an ambassador for the Women’s Aid organisation, Too Into You. She hopes that she can help others identify the red flags in relationships before they take a dangerous turn. For Jody, her former partner wasn’t abusive in the beginning, but his jealous tendencies eventually escalated into extremely controlling behaviour. “In the beginning, it was like any other relationship,” she said. “He was a little bit jealous, but I took that almost as flattery at the time. But over time it got more extreme and he was controlling about the clothes and underwear I’d wear, he’d smash my phone and ruin things that I own if I didn’t do what he wanted me to do. Things would end in big huge arguments and he would just blow up for no reason. “He knew I was so young and vulnerable that I would protect him and not tell anyone what was happening. It began with manipulation and emotional abuse.” This eventually got to the point where he was physically abusing her and having incredibly violent episodes behind closed doors. He told her that if she left him he would end his life and leave a letter to tell everyone it was her fault. “Towards the very end, he would slip up a little bit and instead of it always happening in private, it would happen in public,” said Jody. “He’d punch the wall beside my head and shove and push me publicly. “He told me if I ever left him or told anyone, no one would believe and he would end his own life. That pressure is insane. He would hurt himself in front of me and at the time it upset me so much, because that was the person I loved and I wanted to fix it. I wasn’t even worried about me or if he’d hurt me, I wanted to protect him. I’d apologise and tell him it was my fault if anything happened.” After a violent episode when she tried to end the relationship, Jody broke down and told her mum what had been going on. They went to the gardai and began the long fight for justice, which lasted for years. During the court case, Women’s Aid reached out to her to support her through her journey. Jody became an ambassador for Too Into You, which is a branch of Women’s Aid aimed at younger girls. The organisation noticed a trend of younger women using the charity’s services and while many of us associate domestic abuse with older, married women with families, abuse can happen at any age and it is very common in young relationships.“I am now a better and stronger person since this happened,” said Jody. “Standing up for myself and speaking to Women’s Aid and working with them has helped me heal in a way. I needed that closure and reassurance that I wasn’t in the wrong, and what happened wasn’t my fault. By speaking up, if I can help just one other person then that’s my job done and that has helped me tremendously as well.” Jody’s aim is to help young women and girls spot the red flags in relationships and leave abusive situations. “Someone trying to control where you are and who you see is totally wrong,” she said. “If someone has hurt you and apologised, unfortunately a leopard never changes their spots and if it happens, it will likely happen again. There are so many other people out there that are so much better for you and will love you the way you deserve. Someone you love shouldn’t hurt you and you don’t deserve that.” Jody featured on episode two of the The Too Into You podcast from Women's Aid. Stream it wherever you get your podcasts There is an Instant Message Support Service available on www.toointoyou.ie , open Monday to Friday 10am – 1pm and 7pm to 10pm. To read the full interviews with four inspirational women, pick up this month's RSVP Magazine - on shelves now
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