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Irish comedian Kyla Cobbler discusses her new book, her rise to fame, and the personal challenges she overcame to find happiness.
Kyla Cobbler is embracing a life she once thought was impossible, turning her personal philosophies into a source of inspiration for others. Her debut book, titled Happy, Thank You.
More Please, serves as a hybrid of a memoir and a self-help manual, exploring a mindset of gratitude that has become central to her identity. Speaking on The Women’s Podcast with host Róisín Ingle, Cobbler explained that the title is based on a phrase from a close friend that now serves as her daily mantra.
Rather than the traditional and sometimes tedious method of writing lists or lighting candles, she views gratitude as a quick, effortless ritual that can be integrated into the rhythm of everyday life. This positive outlook has mirrored her meteoric rise in the world of comedy. In just five years, she transitioned from performing at open mic nights in Barcelona to selling out venues across Ireland.
Her success has culminated in the announcement that she will be the second Irish comedian, following Joanne McNally, to headline the prestigious 3Arena this coming February with her show Not My Lemons. Beyond the stage, her unfiltered and sharp observational comedy has resonated with a massive online audience, earning her over one million followers on Instagram. The path to this success was not linear, and her book provides a candid reflection on the various stages of her life.
Cobbler recounts her childhood in Ballincollig, Cork, a town that has since become quite posh, and describes a youthful craving for adventure that drove her to live in several different countries, including Greece, Australia, Italy, and Spain. However, her early years were also marked by academic hardship. She struggled significantly in school before being diagnosed with dyslexia and dyspraxia. Rather than allowing these learning differences to limit her potential, she used them as a catalyst for growth.
The resulting narrative in her book is one of self-acceptance and the transformative power of female connection. She expresses a profound sense of fulfillment, noting that she is finally living her dream and feels fortunate to be herself in a supportive environment. For Cobbler, the ability to continue her current path is the ultimate goal for her future.
Despite her current happiness, Cobbler opens up about the darker chapters of her past, specifically a traumatic relationship during her early twenties in Milan. At the time, she was drawn to a successful and magnetic Italian man, and while the relationship began in a romantic bubble, it soon devolved into a pattern of coercive control. She describes a form of abuse that was not physical or loud, but rather characterized by a devastating silent treatment.
This psychological manipulation was subtle; he would provide just enough interaction to make her question her own perceptions, effectively gaslighting her. She reflects on how this differs from the common perception of abuse, which often focuses on aggression or violence. In her case, the control was exerted through the withholding of affection and attention, which were only granted if she adhered to his strict expectations regarding her behavior and appearance.
This isolation caused the naturally social and outgoing Cobbler to withdraw from her friends and social circles to avoid the inevitable coldness and strange behavior from her partner. The breaking point came when she discovered her partner was cheating, which gave her the strength to end the relationship and move to Barcelona just as the global pandemic began in March 2020.
The transition was not immediate healing; she faced a period of debilitating depression as she processed the trauma of her past. However, this low point eventually led to a period of joyful recovery. During this time, she initially believed she would never find love again, but her perspective changed when she met Simon Stewart, a South African partner, in a Barcelona comedy club. Their relationship blossomed into a deep partnership, and they married in an intimate ceremony earlier this year.
Cobbler describes Simon as the most significant and positive influence in her life, far outweighing the value of fame or financial success. She concludes that happiness only becomes truly real when it is shared with another person, a sentiment that perfectly encapsulates the message of her book and her current state of mind
Kyla Cobbler Irish Comedy Memoir Gratitude Coercive Control
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