Beauty of a Lions tour is its unique one-moment-in-time energy – sell that instead of all the tired battleworn guff
Malachy Clerkin: Cannot wait for Lions tour, but why does rugby always feel this need for overblown nonsense?Lions v Argentina player ratings: Bundee Aki shows his strength, Fin Smith has a shaky startThe music played over footage of mysterious footsteps in the shadows. Smoke swirling around eight headless mannequins decked in red. A silhouetted figure stood before the camera, his head bowed, his face obscured.
On and on, through clips of old tours, old tests, old fights. For some reason, footage of Daniel Craig popped up at one stage, 007 visiting the Lions dressingroom after the third test in 2013. “Actors, eh?” Butler winked, conveying some class of inside joke. Your guess is as good as anyone else’s. Look. I can’t wait to watch the Lions. You can’t wait to watch the Lions. In a world where everything has had its edges planed and its knobbly bits lopped off, the continued existence of the Lions is a miracle. Nobody sitting down today with a blank piece of paper and the sport of rugby union to plan from scratch would dare to dream it up. It’s too far-fetched. It makes no sense.
So why can’t rugby let us enjoy it for what it is? It’s just a sport, lads. Indeed, it’s one of the purest forms of any sport, anywhere. Nothing about it matters except the matches and the results. Never mind your ersatz Agincourt cosplaying – sell that.– you’re immersed in it, completely and faithfully, for every last second that it’s on. And when it’s over, it’s gone until the next time and you couldn’t care less.
There’s a lot of mythmaking around the Lions and there’s no harm in people wanting to attach themselves to it. Plenty are going for a right good jolly-up – and there’s nothing wrong with that either. Of course, there was a more immediate – and far duller – answer on Sunday night. As soon as Butler finished caterwauling, the golf commentator Andrew Coltart dutifully informed viewers that How to Train Your Dragon, starring Butler, is in cinemas now. Just happened to have been released two days earlier, in fact.
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