His voice always made me shiver, but he also contributed greatly – albeit inadvertently – to my moral development
My teacher regularly indulged himself in the conviction that in terms of career I was likely to end up on the petrol pumps. Photograph: David Jones/PA Wire“That’s a wonderful idea,” I agreed. “It might keep us healthy.”
But it was a particular teacher whose voice always made me shiver. He drove a dark green Volkswagen and had little time for my ability at school. Normally he towered over me and ran his red pen across my copy with furious contempt and I’d say that if he ever found me lying in the ditch trying to rob his balls, he’d have beaten me to a pulp with his golf club.
Sometimes his balls did end up in the rough beside me and he would approach with his number nine iron, and beat the long grass like a man trying to beat out a pheasant. His finger nails were always perfectly manicured. He was fastidious in everything. So he always found the balls. And he’d sometimes give a little grunt; a very private moment of self-satisfaction.
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