“It would be months before I knew the truth of what Andy actually went through during my nights of life-threatening fevers.'
“Honey, I think there are two doctors sitting here for a reason,” my partner, Andy, said.
Andy describes himself as a hypochondriac. Though he has never been clinically diagnosed with what is now called illness anxiety disorder, we both suspect he suffers from some form of it. A fleeting pain in his belly was likely the first sign of diverticulitis. An oddly shaped mole on his forearm was probably melanoma until a doctor said it wasn’t. It didn’t matter that he’d never had a serious illness ― “It’ll be my turn one day,” he often said.
Now I was in the hospital with mysterious fevers, and Andy did not appear to be afraid. I was surprised, though relieved that I didn’t have to take on his anxiety along with my own.Though he didn’t seem scared, he was concerned. Andy saw that I had a potentially serious symptom and that I was being unreasonable. After all we’d been through with my health, I couldn’t refuse him. In our everyday life, we were equals, making choices together. Now, I let him lead me.
I wondered what had happened to Andy’s intense anxiety around illness. Maybe after all this time, he’d learned to manage his fears. Whatever the case, it made things easier for me, and I could only think that it made things easier for him.My symptoms met the criteria for sepsis — a life-threatening condition — yet the source of my infection remained unknown. Blood tests ruled out autoimmune disorders, HIV, Epstein-Barr.The author with Andy on vacation in NYC's Central Park, 2014.
It would be months before I knew the truth of what Andy actually went through during my nights of life-threatening fevers.
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