'Don’t try to pretend that you’re doing okay when you’re not'
It can leave you feeling rudderless, vulnerable and lost. You’re left trying to determine who it is you are now without your parent and that takes a considerable time not just to answer but to connect with this person you have now become.I was extremely close to my dad. When he died after a very brief illness, it was just a few short months following the unexpected death of my fiancé.
It really helped for me to understand it this way so that I could separate and identify the feelings that were raging through my body. My dad had been a pivotal support not just following the death of my fiancé, but always. He had been there for me any and every time I needed him. I had no idea what was I going to do now without him. I was thirty-nine years of age. I was a full-grown adult but my broken heart simply didn’t know the difference.
Each will feel the need to reflect on their individual relationship with the parent who has died and it is here that arguments and misunderstandings commonly sneak in. Everyone is feeling the deep sadness and total unpredictability of grief, and that pressure mixed together in a cauldron of emotions rarely emits peaceful outcomes. Siblings may also discover that the death of a parent resurrects those hidden feelings of resentment and rivalries from childhood.
. You will feel it shifting. Expect to experience a few false starts, but above all know that the pace you are moving is always the one that feels right for you. And if you feel you need to talk about your grief, please don’t be afraid to take that next step.
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