Skinny shaming is bad. But it’s not systemic exclusion or oppression. New column by yrfatfriend is up.
A friend and I were commiserating over drinks, as we so often did. It was a welcome respite, connecting over the routine challenges of our daily lives: work, relationships, friends, family.
I was crushed. I cared deeply about my health, but after years of ceaseless dieting and “lifestyle changes,” I knew that for me, health wouldn’t include thinness. But nearly every doctor I saw insisted on significant, immediate weight loss. They wanted me to try to become thin—. It was the carrot on a stick that I knew I’d never reach. Only thinness could deliver the prize of health care providers who would deign to treat me.
While I was swallowed up by anxiety and adrenaline recounting the story, my friend had hardened. When she finally responded, her voice was cold.I was confused. The way we’d been talking was the usual format of our conversations: trading narratives of the things that troubled us most, and working through them together, tenderly and with humor. I hadn’t seen her this way before, all sharp edges and hard resolve.
It wasn’t the invocation of “skinny shaming” that bothered me, but its specific use to end a conversation about fatness and fat people—and often, its use to deflect responsibility and shirk accountability for anti-fat behaviors. It was an experience I’d had before: talking about fatness in the presence of some thin people called up a deep defensiveness and a sudden, hard rejection. They responded as if discussions of fatness somehow detracted from their own experiences.
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