Pope Francis Declares Nothing Wrong With Guy Giving Buddy Tug Job After Few Drinks

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Pope Francis Declares Nothing Wrong With Guy Giving Buddy Tug Job After Few Drinks
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VATICAN CITY—In a progressive step forward for the Catholic Church, Pope Francis declared Thursday that there was nothing wrong with a guy giving his buddy a tug job after a few drinks. “We are all children of God, and sometimes those children start feeling lonely after happy hour and one thing leads to another,” said…

VATICAN CITY—In a progressive step forward for the Catholic Church, Pope Francis declared Thursday that there was nothing wrong with a guy giving his buddy a tug job after a few drinks.

“We are all children of God, and sometimes those children start feeling lonely after happy hour and one thing leads to another,” said Francis, whose remarks about any sexual acts that might theoretically occur in a pickup truck outside Ruby Tuesday were hailed by LGBTQ groups as “confusing but encouraging.” “It’s not a crime if you’re both a bit tipsy and your friend unzips his pants. Male or female, God views all hands equally.

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