'I'd give anything to see my baby at that age one more time.'
Motherhood is exhausting — we all can attest to that. One day, I was so tired that I couldn’t remember if shredded cheese needed to be refrigerated, and my husband discovered it in the microwave later that night. Another time, I neglected to take off my nursing bra and underwear before I stepped into the shower. And, for a brief moment, I even forgot my own son’s name.
My PPD began manifesting its ugly little head about a week after my son was born. It’s sneaky, though. It creeps into your brain slowly and it’s easy to mistake it as effects from general exhaustion. In my case it would show up as lies my brain told me Luckily, I got help before that happened. I started medication and therapy, and with the right support I slowly began reclaiming my life. I finally began to enjoy my baby and was, at last, wholly ensconced in motherhood.
And now looking at baby photos and videos feels like a punch to the soul when I see his tiny face and hear that sweet baby talk, how he adorably mispronounced words. I miss that baby, the one I sometimes feel like I never knew.
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