An exposé of terrible men with terrible ideas, comparing today's wealthy weirdos to more delightful moneyed freaks from literature and history, like Willy Wonka, Lord Snooty, and Daddy Warbucks.
) is an exposé of terrible men with terrible ideas – neomonarchies, cryptocurrency microstates, increased voting rights based on wealth. It has got me thinking about the declining quality of today’s rich weirdos and how they compare with the delightful moneyed freaks of the past.
Here are some of my favourites. The beloved factory owner and inventor William Wonka invites a bunch of children to his factory, where they have a series of hilarious industrial accidents about which he sings. To the survivor, Charlie Bucket, he gifts his factory, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the inheritance taxes will be murder for Bucket’s family of elderly, bedridden cranks.
All is forgiven, however, for Wonka is eloquent and flamboyant and whimsical and, like all billionaires, goes into space at the end of the story. PerhapsThe Beano’s toff-in-chief would frequently escape the luxury of his castle to frolic and cavort with his lower-class chums on the wrong side of the tracks. He’s basically. His pals usually seemed thrilled to get a simple “slap-up feed” of bangers and mash.
Patrick Freyne: Guilty pleasures are for cowards and Bonnie Tyler deserves better fans than thatHouse of the Dragon, House of the Shmagon, that’s what I say But is this not simply centrist incrementalism?
It never seems to occur to the unwashed masses of Snooty’s acquaintance to use their greater numbers to simply take his castle, a product of unjust primogeniture, and form an autonomous workers’ collective. Perhaps that will happen in the finale of The Beano: The Trial of Lord Snooty. Anyway, Elon Musk doesn’t know any poor people or, indeed, have friends. Perhaps he should get a top hat.
Daddy Warbucks isn’t interested in space travel or creating a cryptocurrency microstate in the sea. He’s interested in adopting an orphan. Photograph: Getty Images First, top marks for the name. It only works if you’re a gazillionaire, of course, or possibly an animated anthropomorphised pig.
If I were to rename myself Daddy Freyne it wouldn’t go down well with either my wife or my employers. The stern-faced, slapheaded money mogul Daddy Warbucks isn’t interested in space travel or creating a cryptocurrency microstate in the sea. He’s interested in adopting an orphan and thwarting the schemes of wayward hustlers who frequently break into song.
His version of tomorrow is not a far horizon of robot wars and space travel but the love of an all-singing, all-dancing ginger urchin. Tomorrow is, after all, only a day away. Like most generative-AI companies where the product is more expensive to make than it costs to buy, I have no idea how the Acme Corporation makes money.
Its main customer is Wile E Coyote, a coyote, who uses its malfunctioning products – rocket shoes, large comedy sticks of dynamite, electric cars and the like – in his maniacal pursuit of a thinly characterised running bird. Why, when he can afford all this technology, is he so set on the pursuit of this amiable avian anarchist? It is unclear. But I think, in a way, we are all Wile E Coyote.
Watching him there, running in mid-air beyond the lip of a cliff before noticing his situation and descending to his doom, he reminds me a little of the fading middle classes under late capitalism, running in place above a great void. ].
“After the brutal murder of my parents, Thomas and Martha Wayne, by the hoodlum Joe Chill, I knew I needed to do something. ”].
“Then it came to me: I would hone my body and mind into the ultimate weapon, so I could wage war on the criminal classes. ”].
“But I also needed an image, a shtick, something to strike fear into the heart of Gotham. For criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot. ”].
“I would become a bat. I would dress up in a rubber bat suit with ears and everything and hang out down the docks, getting into fights with addicts. I would become the Batman! ”A Scottish-American grump who enjoys whimsical fun such as swimming in a vat of gold coins , or forcing his employees to play Boar on the Floor at an awayday, must decide on succession plans for his company, Waystar Royco/McDuck Enterprises. So which of his younger relatives deserves to inherit his company: Huey , Dewey or Louie ? Wacky high jinks ensue. Ultimately, the whole lot ends up going to Tom Wambsgans .
].
“Hic. Hey, suckers, look at you, walking around on your own stupid legs. Check out my robot suit! I’m never walking again!
Ha ha ha ha! Hic. ”René, the insurrectionist restaurateur, is at least 'comfortable'. Photograph: Howes/Express/Getty Images Not the richest businessperson on this list, but given real-estate prices in France and his acquisition of artworks such as The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies, René, the insurrectionist restaurateur, is at least “comfortable”.
He is also a lothario with an undeniable allure for francophone ladies. When I was a teenager, he was an unrealistic physical role model for me, but I am finally achieving a René-like physique thanks to years of hard work.mention of René from ’Allo ’Allo! in my column this year. Like Elon Musk, I can do whatever I like.
It’s a Wonderful Life is the squalid tale of a wealth creator being brought low by local radical George Bailey and his collectivist “savings and loan” outfit . All Mr Potter wants to do, with his superior drive and entrepreneurial zeal, is take ownership of the town of Bedford Falls, but lesser folk want to undermine his greatness with spurious notions of “fairness” and “human dignity”.
Anyway, if you play It’s a Wonderful Life backwards you get Atlas Shrugged. That’s how Elon Musk watches it. Top hat. Cane.
The slow acquisition of Dublin, street by street, by chortling monopolists. Hey, it’s Ireland’s housing policy! RTÉ’s Áine Lawlor signs off: From ‘swot’ to ‘bolshie’ broadcaster, she never lost her impish charmKen Early: Thomas Tuchel’s all-time bottle job hands Argentina World Cup final placeKerry five star-hotel restaurant added to Michelin GuideCiarán Murphy: I’ll remember this magical summer in Dublin - and the best is yet to comeDespite renewed strikes and Trump’s bluster, both sides want an end to Iran conflict
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