'That’s why it’s generally more complex than just being a ‘bad’ person who cheats. There are lots of reasons why people do a lot of bad behaviours. We are a very messy species.'
Compulsive cheaters could be suffering from a childhood trauma says Psychotherapist Dr Richard Hogan. Speaking to RSVP, Richard said in his experience, people who are compulsive cheaters often suffer from an anxious or avoidant attachment to their mother.
Richard explained: "In my experience, working clinically, the majority of people I meet who are compulsive cheaters - which is sex addiction, really - compulsive cheaters are generally not doing it out of desire to just have sex with people. "In fact, often there’s an awful lot of misery, shame and guilt in this cycle of terrible behaviour. What can be happening, is that early in your life your proximity to your primary caregiver, which is normally your mother, was ruptured. "It led to an avoidant or anxious attachment to your primary caregiver and now you seek out validation through other people who confirm that you’re valuable through physical contact. It’s a very miserable place to be in because you never feel enough". Richard explained that often society sees serial cheaters as 'bad people', however it is often far more complicated than just a desire for sex. "That’s why it’s generally more complex than just being a ‘bad’ person who cheats. There are lots of reasons why people do a lot of bad behaviours. We are a very messy species. "We get it wrong a lot of the time and the reason we get it wrong is because we come out of messy homes and we’re trying to come up with all sorts of interventions for that messiness, which is not very healthy". So, how does someone who is a compulsive cheater put an end to that behaviour? The answer lies in therapy. "A lot of people who are caught in those behaviours haven’t a clue why they’re doing it," Richard explained. "They might even want to stop, a lot of them feel terrible shame about it and they’re wondering why they get caught up in the moment. I suppose the best way to deal with it is to talk to a professional to figure out why you behave in a certain way". Dr Richard Hogan and former GP turned broadcaster Dr Ciara Kelly have joined forces for a no-nonsense, straight-taking podcast, ‘They F**k You Up’, which tackles life’s messiest issues from affairs, jealousy, anxiety, people pleasing and more.
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