“Obviously I should be able to sleep with whomever I want to, but doing that isn’t making me feel great,” writes AnnieLord8.
Like, a while ago, I was messaging someone I was into and I had that thing where every text seemed to be a matter of huge importance: the space between a “haha” and a “haa” meant the difference between him asking me out or not. I composed messages on my Notes app and copied and pasted them over, the stress of it making me lob my phone to the other side of the room, only to crawl over on my hands and knees seconds later to see if he’d replied yet.
I stopped talking to him, not because I wanted to, but as a way of protecting myself – ending it before he had a chance to.And then there was the boy I recently went on a few dates with. The one I told you about – the one Ithat I wanted to crawl up the underside of his T-shirt and pop my head out the other side.
There was this sense that, in having sex, I’d given away something I shouldn’t have, that I’d lost some of my power. It’s dumb, because I enjoyed having sex with him; I should have felt like I’d won, too. But that’s how sex is positioned in our society, like something men take from women. It’s funny because losing power was kind of why I had sex with him in the first place. He was so keen for me to come back to his. He said he’d make me a negroni, that the heating was on, and he’d get breakfast in the morning. I wanted to have sex with him because I knew I would enjoy it, but also because a part of me felt as if I was wasting his time, that I owed it to him by that point. It was the third date, the one people usually have sex on.
Isn’t it strange that we make up rules for ourselves like this? When I try to work out why that is, I remember a particular night out at a bar with some friends a while ago. I was chatting to this guy, and we were having this really funny conversation about dads on holiday and why they always stand on the beach with their hands behind their backs. He asked me if I wanted a drink, and I said yes. I realised he might have been chatting me up, so I did that thing where you’re like “...
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