Smiling, Knife-Wielding Marie Kondo Orders Followers To Leave Behind Cluttered Physical Forms

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Smiling, Knife-Wielding Marie Kondo Orders Followers To Leave Behind Cluttered Physical Forms
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LOS ANGELES—After years of building a massive and devoted following through her bestselling book and subsequent Netflix series, a smiling, knife-wielding Marie Kondo has ordered her fans to leave behind their cluttered physical forms, reports confirmed Friday. “My beloved friends, you have completed the tasks I have…

LOS ANGELES—After years of building a massive and devoted following through her bestselling book and subsequent Netflix series, a smiling, knife-wielding Marie Kondo has ordered her fans to leave behind their cluttered physical forms, reports confirmed Friday.

“First, take your arms, wrap them around yourself, and ask if this fleshy, jumbled human body brings you joy. You will find that from the small intestine to the vascular system, these messy internal organs add no value to your life and should be discarded. Second, take the small dagger I suggested you leave as your sole possession and join me in becoming pure light, which takes up no space. Prepare to ascend to the highest level of neatness and simplicity.

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