Sorry, Even Harry Styles Cannot Calm Us Down

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Sorry, Even Harry Styles Cannot Calm Us Down
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Thank you, Harry, for trying

Photo: Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images Calm is a meditation app whose Sleep Stories are billed as “bedtime tales for grown-ups.” They launched in 2018 and since then have brought in a host of famous voices — LeBron James, Laura Dern, Matthew McConaughey, and more — to soothe you to sleep.

Now Calm has truly outdone itself with the introduction of a new sleepy-time tale, this time hosted by the baby-smooth vocals of Harry Styles. “Dream With Me” is a 30-minute story narrated by the singer, who said in a press release that he is “so happy to be collaborating with Calm at a time when the world needs all the healing it can get.”

I have never tried a sleep story. I like the Headspace visualization where the Headspace guy, whose voice has coaxed me to the very cusp of a coma, invites you to “shut down” different parts of your body. I do wonder if these stories work, and if they are effective, if Harry Styles’ voice is the proper fit for one. I simply wouldn’t describe it as being “sedative,” probably “electrifying” or “titillating” is more accurate.

But to be honest with you, a billion meditation apps and weighted blankets and chamomile teas could not, in our present reality, get me anywhere close to feeling calm. So thank you, Harry, for trying.

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