A relationship expert gives his advice on meeting the in-laws and discussing sensitive topics over dinner.
IT’S THE MOST wonderful time of the year but also a time filled with potential stress and strife, particularly for couples.
“We don’t always have to spend Christmas Day or Christmas Eve or whatever it is, with our husband or wife or long term partner. We have the ability as adults to spend time with whoever we want. We can take turns, we can go to his parents this year, and her parents next year. “If it means so much to your partner that they do their family tradition, why not just let them do that? Often in relationships where there’s a struggle for power, they both make themselves miserable, rather than make one of them happy. So they go for a lose-lose result, rather than a win-lose.”
“The wider family have to make allowances for where people choose to spend their Christmas, it’s not that big a deal and it’s only it’s only as big a deal as people make it for themselves.” “I’ve had a situation where I’ve gone to a girlfriend’s dinner on Christmas Day and there were around 15 people standing up and getting served a buffet.
Kavanagh also recommends using “safe words or expressions” to let others know when they feel overwhelmed. “Because what was your partner supposed to do if you hadn’t communicated that there was discomfort there? Sometimes Irish people tend to grin and bear it and then be angry with their husband or wife on the way home in the car. That’s not okay, that’s unfair.”
“And because alcohol has been consumed, you’re probably not going to be very receptive of your partner.”Kavanagh has also advised people to steel themselves for awkward encounters with family they only meet over Christmas, if they anticipate there will be strife. “But we can respond in a light hearted way that doesn’t inflame the situation or make things worse. Having a level head and knowing it’s coming, and then just being assertive back in but in a friendly way is probably the best strategy that I can think of.
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