Through a strategy called the 4-7 zone, psychotherapist Colman Noctor says we can learn to sit with our stress health
In my work, I have noticed that clients were always at extremes, doing too much, or too little, or both. When I was trying to get an understanding of people’s struggles, I would ask them to rate their experiences or behaviours out of 10. This allowed me to get a sense of the extent of their behaviours and provided me with some insight into their own perspective on the problem. It became clear to me that in therapy the score is always in the 1-3 or 8-10 zones.
Reassess Your Value System To achieve contentment, first things first you need to take control of your own values, because it’s your value system that really should drive your decisions – not your neighbours, Instagram, or colleagues. If you’re finding yourself stressing over accessories and party bags for your child’s birthday party, you have to take a step back.
For example, if you visit somebody who’s just broken up from a relationship, they’re at home in their tracksuit listening to an Adele album and they’re sad. You wouldn’t bring them to the GP because it’s a normal reaction to that event. If you revisit them 12 months later, and they’re still in the same place, then you would get some help for them. Not all worry is anxiety. And not all sadness is depression. When they become problems is when we can’t find our way out of it.
So How Do We Get This Moderation? The first mechanism for achieving a sense of enough is the 4-7 zone. The beauty of this technique is its simplicity, and there are no apps, guides or gadgets needed. A pen and a piece of paper might help, but that’s it. If, for example, you are going through a stressful period of your life and you rate yourself in the 1-3 or 8-10 zones of any area of your life, then you have to ask if this response is appropriate or proportionate to this circumstance. Perhaps you are struggling with a sense of being overwhelmed with the demands of your life.
Building Resilience and Learning Empathy There’s nothing wrong with a bad day. A bad week is a problem. But a bad month is a crisis. So be conscious of checking in with yourself and assessing your 4-7 zones.